Late last year I read a book by Cait Flanders called The Year of Less and I decided that I was going to try this experiment at the beginning of 2021. I was introduced to this lifestyle when I watched the documentary Minimalism on Netflix. Growing up I was constantly buying into the belief that if I buy more then I will be happy. My mom was often the victim of the buy 2 get 1 free scheme even if we only needed 1. The idea of getting a good deal was too enticing to pass up. So I guess I’m not surprised it took me 26 years to finally hear that maybe having more is actually making things worse.
A few years ago I started seeing a therapist because I was constantly getting angry and then turning that anger onto myself to the point where I would guilt myself into believing I didn’t deserve happiness. Through therapy I discovered that I’ve been doing this cruel cycle of thought my whole life. Honestly I wonder if I’ve ever actually felt happiness or if I have been faking it the whole time. While I continue to work on these issues I’ve discovered a lot of coping mechanisms like meditation and writing.
So at the beginning of 2020 I was feeling great, like what else could go wrong? Of course last year was one of the fastest, dirtiest curveballs my mental health has ever experienced. But I was fortunate that I was actually in a financial place where I was saving more than ever before. But because of my enslavement to consumerism, the more money I had the more I wanted to spend it. I was hitting a point where I was buying so many things so quickly on my Amazon app that packages would show up and I would forget what I bought. When I made really big purchases, I would feel so high off the adrenaline I felt that I literally wouldn’t sleep for days. That’s not ok. This is what addicts do. That was my first warning sign: buying camera gear then lying to my partner about it and staying up all night researching more gear I “needed.”
Maybe it was because I hit this new low or maybe it was because I’ve been so emotionally vulnerable lately that I decided it was time for a change. After finishing the book mid December I was committed to embarking on a “no spending” year experiment. Basically aside from food, household supplies, and replacing things that are broken or depleted, I am only allowed to buy things on my approved shopping list:
Frying Pan (Vinny and I have been talking about this for a while)
1 Dress (for a few possible weddings I was invited to this year)
Film/Processing Chemicals (Limited to <$30 a month and only when I run out)
Car/Maintenance (my car hit 200,000 miles last year so I know I’ll eventually have to look at a replacement)
Renting equipment for work (Must be approved by Vinny)
Travel (LOL remember when this was possible?)
Gifts
What I cannot buy:
Shoes
Clothing
Camera stuff
Books
Electronics
Delivery >1 time a week (pick up if possible)
In addition to this experiment, I will also be writing a monthly summary because it will be good for me to analyze periodically and a friend of mine (shoutout Trisha if you’re reading) told me that writing about things is a great way to hold myself accountable. While I could try to commit to not getting any takeout or delivery, I find that I had to make an exception for this year. I’ve seen too many restaurants go out of business and I still believe supporting them is an important purchase that would be irresponsible for me to cut out. But I am focused on supporting smaller places and less chains. Another thing that I started late last year was turning off ALL my phone notifications except for texts/calls and email. So I no longer get constant interruption from my phone. Living with less means living with less of EVERYTHING including likes on Instagram or Twitter.
January this year started off with a few temptations especially when I found out that the job I was supposed to be on was pushing till February to help slow the spread of COVID. While I agreed with their decision, it left me feeling completely helpless. Suddenly I was grateful for this experiment as my income was going to be lower than expected. However because I was suffering mentally, my mind immediately wanted to click on that Amazon app. Normally this is when I would go online and buy random things like pore strips or whatever I thought I needed. But instead I sat with this dark feeling instead of acting on my regular response. Why do you want to buy this? Because it will make me happy. But will it? Maybe...probably not. What is really the problem here? My calendar is wide open and I’m scared and bored and feel like I’m wasting my life. Buying this thing is not going to change that feeling.
This conversation was one I had multiple times in January but has worked every single time. Buying stuff makes me happy. But that kind of happiness is so fleeting that you need to constantly feed it. I try not to blame myself for this dependency because our society is part of that problem. We are taught that technology and better things will make life easier and happier but we are so trapped in that cycle that we can’t see we are addicted. I look at my parents’ house and see they have this big beautiful house and it is full of random stuff. When my Grandma passed away my parents were constantly complaining to me about how she had so much stuff and all the long days it took to clean her house and if I wanted some of it. This is a generational cycle of consumerism and I truly don’t want my kids to complain while they clean out boxes of my crap.
One last thing I found during this time was Buy Nothing groups on Facebook. My sister-in-law raved about these groups while she was pregnant and looking for baby supplies and she is a master in finding great deals. I realized I had a set of YA books a friend gave me when she moved but that I was never going to read. I decided to post the set on this group and within the hour someone messaged saying they were interested. When I clicked on her profile to send her a PM, I saw she was a school counselor. Suddenly I fell in love with the idea that maybe these books that were collecting dust in my apartment could go to kids who would enjoy and learn from them. Of course we’ve donated stuff to goodwill before but it’s different when you’re helping and giving to people within your own neighborhood. These groups are all over and I highly recommend them because people post all kinds of things from boxes of pasta to air fryers. Even I was able to find a picture frame for this photo I’ve always wanted to frame and a set of film rolls that someone was getting rid of.
While only a month has passed, I already feel like the burden of buying and storing things is lifting. I’m realizing that I can be more and have a life that is more than the stuff I have. I’ve been so busy buying stuff for the life I want instead of actually pursuing that life. The biggest thing I’ve learned from January was that I find my shopping addiction kicks in when I’m in an emotional place and if I just slow down and acknowledge my feelings I can curb my old habits. I am sad and I acknowledge that I am sad but buying something will not change that. Knowing this I am free to tackle the underlying reasons why I feel certain emotions and deal with them head on. While I know this is just one step in the right direction, I’m hopeful that the benefits will exceed the difficulties in the journey.